Have a Bad Day

Today was a {lower voice to whisper like solemn tone, wrinkle forehead, avoid eye contact} “bad day”. How many of us have uttered those words to a friend, partner or medical professional? I sometimes feel like I should have a reversible door sign “good day/bad day” that I can hang on the front door, to warn my boyfriend what awaits him when he puts his key in the lock. And I’m thoroughly sick of it.

Why? Because all my days are actually good days. And I don’t mean that in some happy-clappy tree-hugging way. I have a wonderful, supportive boyfriend, a loving family, great friends and a progressing career. I have worked extremely hard to get to where I am today – professionally, personally and mentally. So to write a day off as “bad”, well that does my journey, the upbringing provided by my mother and the love unconditionally given by my partner a serious injustice.

We are ourselves every day and yes, some days are better and some are worse – but each day is good because we are alive, we are surviving and we always have tomorrow. So instead of saying I’m having a “bad day” I think I’ll try out saying “my illness made me feel like today was a bad day”. I’ll still be communicating that I feel awful, less than my optimum self. But I’m hoping it will be powerful in its underlying suggestion that these feelings have been thrust upon me and may not in fact be entirely accurate. It suggests that tomorrow can be a good day, because in reality today was too – my stupid illness just tried to fool me into thinking otherwise!

It may seem like a small and insignificant thing. But then this illness is one that can be triggered by the smallest of slights (real or imaginary), by a degree of change in the weather, by the inevitability of a certain date rolling around each year, by the movement of a teeny tiny neuron… So perhaps the devil is in the detail and our own small efforts at self management (or survival) can actually be incredibly powerful. Therapy, medication and/or social support are the best weapons of mass destruction for depression but perhaps, some days, just hinting to your broken brain that you’re wise to it’s twisted game will get you through.

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Have a Bad Day

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