Why I hate: May 29

Today is my second least favourite day of the year. It is my mother’s birthday. Instead of buying her perfume or taking her out for dinner & a show I ordered her a bunch of flowers to put on her grave. There are some days that I’m not depressed. I’m sad. I’m lonely. I’m angry. I’m sorry. For 24 hours my brain takes a back seat and my heart takes front and centre.

Sometimes I start these days thinking it is just a normal day. Just this morning I woke up to an emergency work situation that took up the first 20 minutes of my consciousness. Then BOOM….like a ton of bricks….I remembered why I went to bed last night dreading waking up today. My stomach leapt into my throat, my world spun around me and my heart broke all over again.

My mother has been gone for two and a half years and I still reach out to pick up presents for her when I’m out shopping. Then I remember.

I found a nice verse today, which sums up the day quite nicely:

We never need a special day
To bring you to our mind,
For days without a thought of you,
Are very hard to find.

Tonight I go to a sewing class. I promised myself that every year on this day I would do something from my bucket list. Instead of being about loss I will try to make this day a tribute, by doing one of the things that I know she would have loved to hear me tell her about. My mind knows this is a great idea, but my heart is having a hard time letting it take back the reigns.

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Why I hate: May 29

5 thoughts on “Why I hate: May 29

  1. That’s a great way to honour someone. I do something similar on my parents birthdays. On my mums I behave like a lady (whatever that means….) and on my dads, i spend too much, dance and get hammered 😉

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  2. I understand what you are feeling my mother passed away four years ago this year and it is hard. But every day will get better, hold on to those memories I have never forgotten those memories, me and my mother was very close we both shared the same birthday. You have lovely memories of her continue thinking about her when you keep the memories she is there with you. Enjoy the sewing class I am sure your mother would want you to have a joyful life.

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