Today’s Daily Prompt is: When you’re unwell, do you allow others to take care of you, or do you prefer to soldier on alone? What does it take for you to ask for help?
My boyfriend says I don’t need him. He believes that if he walked out tomorrow I wouldn’t care. And in some ways he’s right.
If he walked out tomorrow, I’d be okay. I have come back from my lowest point, dragging myself kicking and screaming from rock bottom, and it has given me an odd strength. A kind of zen. I know that, no matter what, I will be okay. If I can survive those dark days then I can survive anything. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t stare into the face of adversity screaming “bring it on” – I’m desirous of a quiet life with some measure of contentment. But knowing that I have survived when all I wanted to do was give up, gives me a sense of calm about the future and more importantly, about things that I cannot change.
If my boyfriend left me tomorrow I would be devastated, but I would not die. If I lost my job tomorrow I would be disappointed, but I would not crumble. If a family member was diagnosed with an illness I would be worried, but I would not go under. Knowledge is power. Knowledge that you are strong is the most powerful of all. I would not trade my own faith in my ability to survive for anything.
The thing that I think my boyfriend doesn’t understand about all of this is that giving me the space to reconfirm my own strength is his gift to me. Of course I know he’s there. Of course I know he supports me. I need him. I need him every day. Not to shoulder my burdens, but to silently watch me shoulder them, ready to catch me if I should fall.