Someone drew me on the Internet

Recently I discovered that an old favourite of mine, Allie at Hyperbole and a Half, had written a new(ish) post – a follow up to her amazing 2011 Adventures in Depression.

When I was first diagnosed and nosing around the interwebs to find comfort, information & maybe even a silver lining in this whole crazy thing, her post was one of the first things I read that really struck me. It made me feel so much less alone, so much more “normal” and I realised that there were actually other people in this world who felt exactly like I did. That’s a pretty powerful thing when you’re at your lowest point and you feel that no one understands you. To find a person who gets the “hidden” you that you struggle to hide from most people is pretty rare – for that person to be someone on another continent, who you’ve never met and who doesn’t even know you exist….well, I did say I was crazy right!

Allie struck a chord with me because she expressed my thoughts and feelings better than I ever could and with so much humour and creativity. Then I realised she also drew me! Right there in part two. This is now my phone screensaver, because the instant I saw it something in it connected with me. I love my coffee, I love to hang out in cafes & I always glare at people who are making noise or daring to have fun in my vicinity. Why are they laughing? Why are their lives so easy and mine is so hard? Are they laughing at me? I’m such an outsider. Nobody likes me. STOP MAKING JOYOUS SOUNDS OUT OF YOUR FACE.

Since I started this blog I’ve had 42 follows and a handful of comment-exchanges with others. I have made a teeny tiny wave in the world and I have interacted with people just like me, something my “real life” never gives me the opportunity to do. It might not seem like much, but to me sitting in my home, trying to make sense of the hand life has dealt me, it means the world.

Someone drew me on the Internet

13 thoughts on “Someone drew me on the Internet

  1. I’m chuckling to myself as I recognize me in that scenario too – getting rather disproportionately annoyed by pretty much anything… it’s a sure sign that I’m heading down a path of darkness that I need to address. I do find that noticing it, for me, helps me to remember that there is no static limit on happiness (ie. them being happy actually doesn’t mean there’s less happy for me!).

    Judging from the comments, it looks like you are providing that same sense of connection to many others of us out there – thank you.


  2. This is at once very relatable as quite often I will glare menacingly at their guffaws and loud noises; but, on the other hand, I must apologize because when I do start speaking I can’t (a) shut up and (b) keep my voice down. Epic fail me.
    Ultimately, it is always fantastic to find others who relate to and with you.


  3. I don’t feel like that in coffee shops sweetie, but when I see groups of people or couples frolicking in the sun like something out of a tampax ad and I’m all alone I get kinda bitter. The swine!. 😉 I might be talking out of my arse here (it’s been known) but I can’t help but think that even a temporary spell apart from your gf might be a good thing, so you can both see ‘the wood from the trees’ so to speak. Also I reckon you are beating yourself up now because you are grieving. We all make mistakes in relationships, who’s at fault isn’t the issue here, it’s more whether you are good for one another right now or at all.

    Lecture over, back to dealing with my own shit 😉 big love to you both xx


    1. songtothesirens says:

      I am with you on the couples frollicking around like the world is not about to end, at least according to my view. Especially considering my latest attempt at a relationship turned out to be less than stellar. I even get irritated with TV couples. How rational is that?


      1. No Spotify. Just my own collection of tunes.

        Haven’t mentioned to my shrink yet that the whole time I’ve been trying out these fucking antidepressants and anti-anxiety pills, I’ve also been self-medicating with coffee on a daily basis to try to feel more alert and connected to reality. Is this right? Ah, fuck it. I’ll just keep rolling along …

        Oh, and btw, my gf sent all her stuff away and left on a bus last night. We managed to connect in the last week or so (as much as I am capable of connecting with someone right now), and ended without the anger and shitty words spat at each other. We saw each other again.

        And I now see, NOW that it’s finally real, how many mistakes I’ve made, in that relationship and the long string of dysfunctional ones before it. I’m grieving now and finding it difficult to focus and get myself out to continue doing the things I’ve been doing leading up to the inevitable split, things that would help me, like running 100 kilometers …


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