Today I cried. Really cried. A full-on 30 seconds of wailing and hegs and sniffling. And it was amazing.
In the past I’ve written about how much I hate the numbness that goes with this disorder and, possibly to a larger extent, the medication it requires. I can’t actually remember the last time I cried and I don’t think I would be exaggerating if I said it was more than a year ago. I well up on occassion but I can’t recall the last time tears managed to escape my eyes and flow down my cheeks.
This morning Mr. Moany and I had
an argument a charged discussion and suddenly my eyes started leaking. At first it was just a few sneaky tears, much to Mr. Moany’s horror. Especially when I sobbed “I don’t know why I’m crying”. It actually had nothing at all to do with our discussion. More likely, the final straw in a shitty week had come and I exploded. Not literally though…thankfully!
Within about one minute the moment had passed and it was if my meltdown had never happened….apart from the tomato face and the snotty tissue that is. And I felt amazing. As if my reset button had been pressed. I have always been a fan of a good ol’ cry. There’s nothing like it sometimes. A bad week, a crappy day or just life in general: it can all be released through our eyes in the same way indigestion is relieved with a burp or gas is released through your rear end. Crying is emotional farting via the eyes. I hadn’t realised how much I had missed the ability to cry until today, but more than that, how much I actually NEED it. Hopefully this morning was a turning point and I have finally found a medication that balances mental stability with emotional capacity. Hopefully!